I just came across this email and wanted to share because it gives an honest, raw look at my daily life with a colicky baby boy and his toddler sister.
My friend emailed: “How are you? How are the kiddos?”
My response: To be totally honest, I feel like I’m drowning. He needs constant attention. His sister is jealous (understandably) and is totally acting out (apparently normal, but it’s not fun). She has thrown shit all over the house. By “shit”, I usually mean toys and food, but today I also mean literal “shit” as she stuck her hand into her poopy diaper and wiped it on items around our place – including my pants that I still have not changed… that’s how gross my life is now – before I could stop her. He is always in my arms and I can’t put him down to actually pick up the crap everywhere. I realize I technically CAN put him down, but I cannot handle the screams… the screaming causes everything in my body and brain to shut down.
Even the days with Viv on her best behavior are rough because I have to tend to his high needs all damn day. If he is actually having a good hour or two, I am still super tense just waiting for the screams.
Physically I’m still not great… I’ve literally pooped in my pants a few times now (TMI?) because of the damage down there from the doctor who cut too far before sticking the vacuum up to pull him out. Also, I went back to the doctor because I had mastitis for the second time and because my tailbone pain is getting even worse. She says he broke my tailbone on his way out.
I’ve slowly gained weight (when I should be losing!) because I’m coping with ice cream and alcohol and I can’t go on walks with him because he screams bloody murder the entire time. Twice when outside on walks, people have actually come out of their homes and asked if we needed help because of his bloody murder screams.
He is in my arms almost the entire day (including right now) so my house looks like a tornado came through, I haven’t showered in an embarrassing amount of time, and I ate cookies for breakfast today (I can eat those with one hand).
I didn’t feel so lonely after having Viv. Maybe it’s because I had almost 3 weeks or so of help, and this time it was just a total of almost a week. Or maybe it’s because being alone with Viv every day was way more fun than being alone with him every day.
So, I took your two simple questions as an invitation to a much-needed therapy session. I am tempted to go back and delete it all, but it actually feels good to have it all out there! Thanks!