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Stupid Shit People Said When My Baby Had Colic

Colic is a form of psychological torture. The first five+ months of my son’s life really were the worst of mine. My little baby who was a part of me in every way was miserable and there was not a thing I could do about it. Every day was filled with hours and hours of blood-curdling screaming no matter what we did. I was hormonal and healing from pushing a tiny person out of me — correction: from having a tiny person yanked out of me with a vacuum while breaking my tailbone in the process. Surviving life with my demon child took every ounce of energy I could muster. I had no remaining patience for annoying people. I know that (most) people who said these asinine comments meant well, but here are just a few examples of stupid shit people said to me during this hell. They are lucky I didn’t physically harm them. Hopefully, you can benefit from these stupid things people said when my baby had colic and learn how NOT to help a mom with a colicky baby.

Stupid Shit People Said When My Baby Had Colic ∙∙∙ WhiningWithWine

1. “You really should get out of the house.”
We would rather not disturb more people than we already do. We go on walks and people actually come out of their homes asking if we need help. Seriously. Unless you are offering to stay with the screaming baby and his sister while I get out? If that’s the case, you’ll need to entertain them so I can get a much-needed solo-shower first. And maybe a quick power nap so I actually have the energy to move past my front door.

2. “He may just be hungry.”
Oh wow, so it’s as simple as that? Stop starving my child and he will stop screaming all day and night? I guess the 12 hours a day he spends with my boob in his mouth is not enough for him.

3. “You will spoil him by holding him so much.”
Thank you for your comfort and sensitivity. By the way, I don’t give a crap about spoiling him. I give a crap about both of us actually surviving. P.S. I call bullshit because you cannot spoil a newborn. And if you don’t believe that, do some research because there is plenty of scientific data that proves you literally cannot spoil a baby.

4. “You are lucky that he only cries when he is awake.”
Are you for real? Thanks, captain f-ing obvious. I’m thinking it’s pretty rare for a baby to cry uncontrollably while they are ASLEEP. Yes, I’m lucky that my baby doesn’t scream bloody murder during those half-hour stretches when he gets a quick power nap necessary for him to regain the energy to scream for another 7 hours straight — WOO HOO! LUCKY ME!
Side note, don’t say, “you are lucky [insert anything here]” to a mom with a colicky baby. She doesn’t want to hear about how lucky she is because she is in the depths of misery.

5. “Doesn’t his sister need to get outside?”
Yes. Thank you for the ever-so-kind reminder that I am neglecting my older child. As if I don’t feel guilty enough. How about YOU take her outside? No? Okay, well leave me alone so I can shed more tears about my daughter that is getting screwed over because of her demon baby brother.

6. “I’m so tired. You are lucky you function without sleep.”
I am not functioning. I have no choice but to get out of bed and keep these two tiny humans alive. My 1½-year-old and newborn can’t make their own breakfast or change their own diapers. I’m a zombie going through the motions. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m actually asleep right now. My brain has turned to mush. I can’t remember the last time I showered… that’s either because it was so long ago, or because I no longer have a functioning memory. Maybe, just maybe I’d cry a little bit less every day if I had a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Again, don’t say, “you are lucky [insert anything here]” to a mom with a colicky baby.

7. “Let him cry. He’ll be okay if you set him down while you take a shower.”
How about you bounce him on the ball while I take a slightly more peaceful shower or STFU about what I should be doing? As a mother, my brain is biologically programmed to respond to my infant’s crying. It’s a primal instinct, even when I hate him. Thanks to postpartum and breastfeeding hormones, my sensitivity to it was even more heightened. My brain could not register what to do with the shampoo when I heard my infant son shrieking.

8. “I think your baby is just picking up on the negative energy in your house.”
The negative energy is BECAUSE OF this baby! You try having positive energy when you have a baby screaming torturous cries incessantly and uncontrollably for nearly every hour of the day. Actually, to really get it, grow this baby inside you for 40 weeks, go through labor and delivery and postpartum hormone surges, and then hear this baby crying all day with frequent breaks to have this baby suck on your bleeding nipples. Also, F*%K Y^* to anyone and everyone who blames a mother or her home for the horrific and soul-crushing reality that is life with an extremely colicky baby.

9. “Cherish the sweet moments. You’ll look back and forget how hard it was.”
Nope. Not true. Absolutely false. I can assure you that I will never forget. I’ll cherish the time I have now, over a year later, with my sweet toddler son. But when I look back on those horrible months, my heart races because I remember too clearly how awful it was.

Stupid Shit People Said When My Baby Had Colic ∙ What NOT to say to a mom with a colicky baby ∙∙∙ WhiningWithWine

On the flip side, here are some of the wonderful things that friends said during that time:

1. “I brought this bottle of wine for us to open right now.”
2. “Eat this lunch I brought for you.”
3. “Where is your Ergo? I’m going to hold the baby while I do your dishes.”
4. “Stop saying you don’t need anything. I know that’s not true. I’m on my way over.”
5. “Here is dinner, enjoy it while I take your baby for a walk.” or the similarly awesome thing someone said, “Since I can’t be there to help [because I live out of town], hopefully, this food delivery gift card will make a couple of evenings easier.”
6. “Go to your [therapist] appointment alone. Leave him here with me.”
7. “My nanny is taking your son for a few hours. Go do something for you!”
8. “I don’t know exactly how you are feeling, but I know this is horrible. My baby had colic and it was the worst time of my life.”
9. “You are an incredible mom. You are doing a great job.”

Do you have any good ones to add???

More from this site:

  • Colic Nearly Destroyed MeColic Nearly Destroyed Me
  • Thank You to My Mom FriendsThank You to My Mom Friends
  • The Phases of Colic… the Second TimeThe Phases of Colic… the Second Time
  • A Hidden Cost of Colic: Postpartum DepressionA Hidden Cost of Colic: Postpartum Depression
  • Baby Colic: Tips for Soothing a Colicky BabyBaby Colic: Tips for Soothing a Colicky Baby
  • 8 Things I Learned After a Second Baby8 Things I Learned After a Second Baby
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Comments

  1. KimberLy says

    May 3, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    I LOVE this post. Thanks for being brutally honest!

    Reply
    • whiningwithwine says

      June 23, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      Thank you! Hopefully, it can help someone know how to be a support to a parent going through this!

      Reply
  2. tatum says

    July 13, 2017 at 10:49 am

    All of this ! We are finally getting out of the darkness of colic wish I found this sooner to send to all my family and friends.

    Reply
    • whiningwithwine says

      July 16, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      I’m so glad to hear you are finally getting out of the darkness! My heart breaks every time I hear that anyone has to deal with the torture that is colic! As I wrote in another post, colic nearly destroyed me!.

      Reply
  3. Megan says

    March 20, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    My husband had colic 38 years ago…my MIL is STILL traumatized.

    Reply
  4. Ashley d. says

    October 22, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    I am currently going through this at this moment with my 7 week new baby girl. LOVE THIS!! 🤪

    Reply
    • whiningwithwine says

      November 27, 2018 at 7:28 pm

      Ugh! I hope the colic is over for you now. Those can be very dark days!

      Reply
  5. The Flaherty family says

    August 13, 2020 at 9:49 am

    I think one of the best ways people can help caretakers of colic babies is to keep their self-righteous, uninformed opinions and comments to themselves. if the caretaker says things like, “I HATE HATE HATE this goddamned baby!”, that is NO time for people to have a moral debate, especially people who are not going through that hell themselves. Do not minimize, trivialize, dismiss, or judge the caretaker. Never say stupid shit like, “God feels very sad when you say things like that”….”I know you’ll feel differently once this is all over”….”I know you don’t really mean what you’re saying”…..You don’t really hate your child — you mean you ‘strongly dislike’ the noise”…..”You were a baby once!”…..”Is that sweet precious bundle of joy giving you a hard time?”…..”Aww, he’s so cute — how can anyone hate him?”….”This too shall pass”…..”Remember Job and his trials”……”Just remember that this won’t last forever”……”Have you tried [insert ‘solution’}?”….”Have you taken him to the doctor?”……”Maybe you just have very sensitive hearing”……..bottom line — People who are not volunteering to deal with your baby for hours / days / nights / weeks should do this one thing: SHUT THE FUCK UP

    Reply

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Copyright © 2023 Whining With Wine · All Right Reserved · Advice and reviews are based on author's experiences. The writing on this site is not from a medical professional. Always seek medical advice from a doctor when deciding what is best for you. · contact: whiningwithwine.julie@gmail.com · When providing links to products, affiliate links are sometimes used. This means we may earn a small commission when you purchase one of the items we link to. This is at zero cost to you and helps the cost of running this site. All opinions about products are our own.